First of January, Year Two Thousand
by Yuki Scorpio
Summary: [COMPLETE][Schwarz] A little piece about Schuldich and Crawford... Comes before the fic 'Epitaph'.
1. Part 1 - As it was in the beginning...

I wrote this back in last year, suddenly having an urge to write something focussing on Schu. The different writings may be somewhat confusing in the beginning, but I'm not going to explain it here since it's atually one of the main features< of this fic. I hope you will understand as you read on. Enjoy, and please write me some feedback.

[010100]

As it was in the beginning

_Thief!  
You stole it, I'm sure you did._  
'If you don't admit your wrongs, I'll just have to call your parents.'  
No! I didn't steal the wallet! That guy over there did it, I can even hear his mind now, laughing at my misfortunes just like I can hear yours now, Principle, that you think I'm a hopeless child. And all the other kids out there they're all calling me names_  
Just because you've got good grades. If it's anybody else, Principle would've called your parents long ago.  
If you didn't steal it, how'd you know where it was hidden?  
I bet he did it. Who else could it be? He's always such a weirdo anyway._  
That's not true!_  
You're hopeless. Hopeless._

I tuck my dyed hair behind my ears again, a useless gesture because it always falls back out – my hair is simply too thick. I remember Brad's face when he saw me, my hair colour changing from gentle pale green to angry flaming red. He narrowed his eyes as if the colour stung him, but made no comments.

Yes, it's only my hair, but I deserve a little more reaction than just that, don't you think? Nagi was nice, he was saying that it looks just as good as the green and wishes he doesn't need to keep his original hair colour because of school policies. I told him I cannot imagine him with any other colour hair. He is a sweet kid, very sensitive and conversation friendly. Brad is of course not like this. Sometimes he pays me so little attention as if I'm not part of the team, and I'm not embarrassed to say that I do not like this, that I have formed some attachment to this so-called leader and would like to get recognised too.

The person being discussed is sitting across the table from me at this moment, stirring a cup of English tea and watching it swirl. Business talk, oh yes, otherwise he wouldn't have told me to come out. He was going on about what those three geriatrics over in old home Germany want us to do. Very very boring talk, so dull that I just told him to stop because I wasn't concentrating anyway. I can tell now from the look of his face, without even needing to read his mind, that he's annoyed because it's his job to relay the work to us and basically I'm just making his life more difficult.

Sorry Brad. I don't mean to do that to you. Later, I'll listen later, okay? For now just let me relax and sip my Irish coffee.

_Thief._

I look up. No, that's just a thought from the guy over there. It's nothing.

_ I need a holiday._

_Red looks pretty good, I'm just used to the green, that's all._

'Bill please.'

_Will I impress her if I learn how to drive?_

_I can't go home! Mom and Dad will kill me when they see my report!_

_Oh my. He's such a cute guy. Does he speak Japanese? My English is no good_

'1750 yen please.'

_I just want to die._

_Wish Schuldich will try and concentrate a bit harder._

Shut up!

Brad jumps when I suddenly reach across the little table and grab his hand. Some twenty voices that just rung in my head die down into a fine stream, finally switching off. Brad looks positively annoyed again, that's because I've never explained to him why I occasionally have to touch him and it makes him feel almost harassed. Psychic powers interfere with each other; Brad's makes my mind tune into other people's more easily, sometimes even against my will. 'Tuning in' is what I call my ability. It drives me nuts when all of a sudden so many voices speak in my head when I don't want them to. A physical touch can get it under control. I'll try to explain to him, but not now. Another time maybe.

We step into the bright, sunny afternoon with perfect, cloudless blue sky, our breaths forming white mists in the icy air. The sound of traffic, of people talking, the feeling of my shoes touching the ground, of cold air brushing my skin, ah, this feels so good.

And all I can see is darkness, the endless darkness that enwrapped me; I can only hear the sounds of my own breathing and sometimes, my heartbeat. Cold walls, cold floor, and a permanently locked door.

_So, what now? Got to talk to Nagi, but has school hour ended yet? And where's Schuldich going?_

'It's Saturday, Crawford. Nags isn't in school. And where I'm going' I slide my arm across Brad's shoulders, lean close and practically breathed into his ear. 'Why do you want to know?'

Oh look at that. He's really pissed now. I've deliberately stepped on his tail, firstly by reading his thoughts, secondly by touching him like that, and thirdly by whispering to him so close. It makes his hair stand on end. I know I'm not doing myself a favour to make him angry, but it really is fun and I just can't help it at times. And anyway, he usually forgives me, or at least pretends he doesn't care. See, he glares at me now, and all I need to do is to smile innocently, like this there, I'm forgiven.

What a simple smile can do.

Being clever, he veils up his mind now with his power and turns to leave.

Don't turn your back to me! Please!

'I'll go with you, Crawford. I haven't got anything to do and wouldn't mind keeping you company.' 

'I do, though.'

'Please?'

Brad's shoulders sag and he sighs as if there's nothing he can do, then he gestures for me to walk with him. He doesn't like hanging around with me because I catch too much attention, us being much taller than the average Japanese and my hair being so long make us stand out a lot. It just makes people stop and stare. I don't mind. I love the attention I get, I can hear them gasping in their minds and making the most wonderful remarks about us, partly from their fascination with foreigners and partly because, well, we are rather fine look men, are we not? It just feels so cool to be walking around with him.

'Yeah, you might as well come along and try to listen when I brief Nagi about what you didn't pay attention to just now.'

'Don't be nasty to me, Crawford. Making people smile can be a virtue, you know that?'

'Being Schwarz, you talk to me about virtue?' Brad says, digging out a packet of the mint chocolate he likes so much from his coat pocket. 'You're always smiling anyway, aren't you?'

It doesn't hurt to smile.

'Well yeah.' I shrug. 'I'll listen this time round, okay?'

'You better.' Brad says under his breath, chocolate melting in his mouth. 'Where's Nagi then?'

That I know, of course. The quiet and gentle Nagi if you don't know him, you will never guess where he hangs out.

Nagi is of course at the dance machine in the games arcade.

'Nags, good game?' Brad and I squeeze our way through the crowd of spectators.

Nagi's eyes remain fixed on the screen as he continues to dance according to the arrows. 'Join in.'

Why not. I put in some coins as well and join Nagi in the game. Brad is feeling very surprised now, he has forgotten about shielding his mind again. He has never thought we're into this type of games, in fact he doesn't even know what the game is as Nagi and I move our feet to step on the panels. Brad you're just too grown up, you need to know more about your teammates to be a good leader, you know?

The people are actually clapping when we've finished the game, and Brad is rather impressed too, despite that scowl on his face. 'Can we talk now?'

'About what?' Nagi brushes off a few girls that are trying to chat him up and leaves the arcade with us. He is again wearing only a turtleneck with a flimsy jacket, the mere sight of him makes me feel freezing already, but he seems to be fine with it.

'What jacket? I haven't seen your jacket. How would I know where it is?'  
Liar. I just heard them say in their minds that you've hidden it._  
You'll never check on the roof._  
So my jacket's on the roof then.  
Why do you all have to be nasty and mean to me? What have I done? Why can't I be one of you guys?

I roll my eyes and give an exaggerated sigh. 'What else would Crawford come to us for.'

We both turn back and look at Brad with an identical expression on our face, and Brad just crosses his arms and gives us another one of his scowls.

Kodak moment!

Nagi and I cannot help bursting into hysterical laughter.

'What?'

'Not Nothing!' I'm practically bending double now, my stomach is hurting from all this laughing. 'It's just just'

'The look on your face!' Nagi manages to stop before I can, but his eyes are wet already.

I've laughed so hard that I choked myself and Nagi helps me by patting my back. I wipe the tears in my eyes with a finger. 'Sorry Crawford. It really was funny.'

Brad isn't finding this very amusing at all.

'Do you think I'm going to believe you, Schuldich? It isn't even funny.'  
'I'm not lying, Father! I really can hear what the other people are thinking!'  
'Get away, Schuldich, I'm trying to work.'  
Don't brush me off like that don't turn your back to me

'If you two aren't going to listen, I don't see why I should waste my time with you.'

Nagi and I watch Brad walking away.

'Is he mad at us?'

'How should I know.'

Why won't you try to understand me a little more, Brad? I just want your attention, it is all, that really is all I want. Give me your approval. Trust me a bit more. Don't brief things with me again and again as if I won't do them if you don't tell me five times. Please?

'Crawford!' I run to him. 'Sorry. We'll listen, really.'

Brad lifts one doubting eyebrow.

'Really.' Nagi apologises too.

'What are you two trying to pull? Especially you, Schuldich. You're doing everything but listening to what the job is, you'

Me. Be interested in me. What I have been up to, what I want to do, who I am! Do you even see me when you look at me, Brad?

'Who do you think you are?! You're useless without those psychic powers!'  
'If you follow our orders, you live. It's this simple.'_  
You're no more than a pawn to us._

Are you just like one of them too, Brad?

' Are you even listening, Schuldich!'

'Yes I am. You don't need to shout.' The annoyance in my voice surprises me. You've never listened to me, Brad. This is not very fair is it? 'Keep talking.'

Somebody. Anybody. Please listen to me.

I must be looking edgy because Nagi has stepped between us, holding his hands up. 'Chill, chill! Let's just find somewhere to sit down and get things done. Don't look as if you're going to kill each other, okay?'

Brad ignores Nagi and starts firing at me again. 'I just don't know what to do with you, Schuldich!'

_What are we supposed to do with you, Schuldich? You're evil. The Devil in the form of a child. You're not my Schuldich! You're not my son!_  
But why, mother? I spent nine months in your womb! Mother!_  
I must get rid of you, otherwise there will be disaster in the family._  
Father, I didn't choose to be able to read minds! Everything I have comes from you, my parents! If I'm the Devil in disguise, then what are you? What are you?

'I'm just not the type of person you want, Crawford. I can't make myself become what you want.'

'Talk sense, will you?'

' Forget it.' You give me a chance to talk when I'm out of words for it? 'I'm sorry. I'll stay awake and listen.'

Another smile gets me out of this mess. For some strange reasons, Brad seems defenseless against my smiles.

'Let's get this briefing over and done with. I'll do everything you say, Crawford.'

'Why should I do what you say?'  
'So that you can stay alive.'  
Why would I want to stay alive? My parents betrayed me, sold me because they're afraid of me. Everyone I know turned their backs to me. I've been ignored everywhere. I'm shunned. Give me a reason to live.  
'Have you made your decision?'  
I'll do what you say. I'll stay in this room with no light. Only because I won't need to face the society that has neglected me. Let what I do here I inflict pain on those who rejected me.  
This is my revenge: as they have abandoned me, so I abandon them.

[to be continued]


	2. Part 2 - It is now, and ever shall be...

[010100]

It is now, and ever shall be

'I can make use of him.' _And I don't want him locked up._  
'How can you make sure he doesn't get away?'  
'I can tell the future, sir.' _Idiot._  
'Oh, of course. Go ahead then, if he's more useful that way.'  
A thin strip of brightness, then light flooded into my prison. A tall figure stood against the light. I couldn't see. Too bright. Too bright.  
His long shadow stretched across the room and touched my face._  
My name's Brad Crawford. Come with me._  
So I got up and followed. Like when Christ called upon His disciples, I got up and followed him.

Parents who say one thing and think the other. People who sing praises about you and curse you in their heads. Women and men claiming they love you when they only hunger for your body.

My meaning of happiness is when I can no longer read minds.

I can choose not to. Most of the time I choose not to. But I steer myself away from my happiness. I have to know. Are you lying to me? Are you what you say you are? How else can I know? You deceive with your looks and your speech, but never your heart. I'll betray you first. I won't be the one who gets hurt. I can smile as you wither in pain, as you scream for mercy until you no longer can. Then I know for sure you will never, you can never turn your back to me again.

Smile. Hurt. Be hurt.  
Smile. Deceive. Be deceived  
Smile. Betray. Be betrayed.  
Would you not smile for me, baby?

I watch until the body is motionless, until no thought comes from him. Dead. Then I meet Brad outside.

'Done.' Cheerfully I walk with him in the dead silent streets. 'It wasn't that hard. Why did you bother waiting?'

'In case you screw up.' _And get hurt._ 'That guy used to be a champion boxer.'

Aren't you just sweet, Brad! You're so damn lovable! 'He used to be, heh? Used to. Where's Nags?'

'Gone home already.'

'See? It was simple. You didn't need to brief us twenty times on such simple jobs.' So you do it partly out of concern, Brad, but if you don't keep doing it, I'll feel your trust a bit more.

Thursday, Farfarello's day out. Brad and I fetched him from the ward just before going home. Farfarello's lovely. He says what he thinks and nothing else, we get on perfectly well and I just don't see the logic of keeping him in the ward. Those geriatrics said he has to be kept like that. I go and get him out of there often because I enjoy his company and the thought of being locked up well, you know.

Out of my jail, stepping into the world once again. I stopped to taste the different air and the light._  
Give him a little while._  
Thank you. I needed that. Now what're we going to do?  
'Ready to go?'  
I'll follow you.

Farfarello is chanting again, something along the lines of being the unfortunate child. This one is a typical Greek tragedy. He will never know the truth. He has locked it away in the dark corner of his mind, thrown it onto a shelf too high for reach so that he will not remember again. I can see it though, I know what really happened. Of course I won't tell him, it'll make him sad and he might cry. I don't want him to cry. There is no point in telling him anyway. We just want to follow Brad. The three of us may have different reasons, but we all listen only to Brad, not to the three old people, the head of the SS.

Farfarello is sleeping in my room as he always does when he comes home.

'Know what, Farfie?'

Farfarello watches me lay out the blankets and pillows on the floor for him and yawns. 'Crawford?'

'How did you know that?' I ask. I can search him for an answer instead but I like verbal communication much better when I know the other side isn't going to lie.

'You seemed happy when you and him came to get me today. He must have been nice to you.'

I put a hand on Farfarello's mouth. 'Not that loud, Farfie. Brad's next door and he might get the wrong idea.'

He gives me that brainless grin. 'That'd be funny.'

Oh it wouldn't at all. I slap my friend on the head. 'Say that again and to the ward you go.'

'Oh I'm scared.' Farfarello licks his lips when I withdraw my hand. 'You're a bit too obsessed, don't you think?'

A rebirth.  
Like a chick that recognises the first living thing it sees as mother, Brad Crawford is the man to give me my resurrection. My icon, my Messiah.

'No, definitely not.'

Brad and I send Farfarello back to where he has to be the next night.

'Obsession, Schu. Remember.' He says as I dress him back into the straitjacket.

The ward people are staring at me. They always wonder how we keep control of Farfarello because the man never listens to them. To get him out of his jacket is already a challenge, and to make him willingly put it back on is simply impossible. The answer is, we are one kind of people, they're the other. Of course Farfarello won't work with them.

_You're different. You can't be one of us._  
I don't understand. 'Why can't I play with you?'  
'You just can't.'

'No Farfie, no obsession.' I laugh and push him back into his ward. The staff quickly locks the gate. 'Happy New Year, by the way. Are you sure you don't want to join the count down?'

'Don't see the point in count downs.'

Brad and I walk our way to the train station. 'What's that obsession thing he was talking about?'

'Private joke.' I grin.

Brad rolls his eyes. We continue to walk in silence until he suddenly stops. 'Don't bother.'

'What?'

'I can tell we're going to miss the last train.' He sighs.

Does that mean I'm going to miss the count down? I was going to go to the celebration parties!

Brad seems to know what I'm thinking, for once. 'If you want to go for the count down, we can always catch a taxi.'

The point of building a psychiatric ward here is so that it's far away from public settlement, Brad. There are no cars, not to mention a taxi, in the area.

Brad realises how stupid his suggestion was as well. 'Call Nagi to get a car for us?'

'Nah, don't spoil his fun. We'll walk.'

'It's about three hour's walk until we see the nearest town.'

'Why, do you want to go to the count down party as well?'

'I just thought you do.'

I don't need to read him to know he isn't lying. He's just adorably sweet sometimes. 'It's okay. Let's go.'

The way the light from the street lamps stretches out our shadows reminds me of the moment when Brad came to get me from my prison.

_Come with me._

'I did some thinking last night.' All of a sudden, Brad starts studying his shadow as well. 'After you said "I can't become what you want".'

'Huh?' The ripping wind is hurting my face. We are following the single file of never ending white lights that seems to be lighting up the road to a new revelation.

'We live in the same house and I don't even know what you or Nagi like to do. I was watching you two on that dance machine in the games arcade and then there's like, this gap that I'm supposed to bridge. Farfarello talks to you ten times more than he does to me.'

'Crawford – '

'I don't know you guys well enough. I don't listen but demand to be listened to. How do you three actually put up with me?'

'You're doing fine, Crawford. A little at a time.'

_I've never been a leader in my life, that's why._

Why are you looking so vulnerable, Brad? 'You have the talent. Can't you see that the three of us stick to you like dog hair?' I chuckle. 'The day will come when you can't wait to be rid of us. I don't know what I'll do then. Just spend a little more time to listen.'

'Father! Father! Listen, today I – '  
'Not now, Schuldich. I'm busy.'

He smiles now. _You're very patient with me, Schuldich._

'Look, Crawford, please conceal your thoughts. If you don't then I'll have to listen to it even if I don't want to because your power amplifies it real loud.' I'm flattered yet embarrassed. Sooner or later I'll start replying straight to his thought and he'll get annoyed with me again.

_Devil.  
We'll be better off without you._

He glares at me for having read what he thought, and once again I use my smile to get myself out of trouble. 'I didn't choose to read it! Your brain just has a loud voice! Sometimes it gives me a bad headache!'

'How?'

I explain to him how his powers can affect me and bring countless of voices to me, which can only be controlled by touching him. It really is madness when everyone starts speaking. The things which go through people's minds can drive me crazy. All sorts of things. Love, violence, sex, depression, contempt, happiness, envy I cannot tell which voice is my own; sometimes I become so lost I don't know how to snap out of it, I don't know who I am anymore. The suicidal boy on the pedestrian bridge, the hooker mother of two around the corner, the successful businessman in the shop or the desperately unloved girl crossing the road. Who am I?

If you understand who I am, perhaps I can understand myself better too.

Brad listens to me without interrupting until I realise that I'm telling things I've never told anybody. ' Yeah, that's basically it. So, just tell your brain to shut up.' I laugh again, draping an arm over his shoulder. 'This is the first time you've listened to me properly. Am I finally getting some recognition?'

' Sorry.' _But you do know I trust you._

'I don't mean it like that, just kidding – Hey! Count down time!'

I drag Brad by the sleeve to under a white street lamp, holding up my watch. 'Five, four, three, two, one!'

_Happy 2000, Schuldich._

I look up to see him holding out his favourite mint chocolate. He always has a packet of it somewhere in a pocket.

'You too.' I take a piece of it and put the whole thing into my mouth to let it melt, just like the way he eats it.

'Pretty quiet celebration, heh? In the middle of nowhere.'

'Yeah, but I think I've never been this happy in my life.' I whisper to myself. 'Perhaps Farfie's right, I do have an obsession with Brad Crawford.'

'What did you say?'

'It's nothing. Forget it.' I shake my head and chuckle.

'Tell me.' Brad tries to brush my arm off his shoulder but isn't succeeding. 'I'm trying to learn about my team.'

'Really, forget it.' I tell him. He must be really confused now. 'Can I have another chocolate? I never knew they're this nice.'

He gets me another one and we start walking again, my arm not leaving his shoulder, under the line of white light. 'But tell me, what did you say?'

'Nothing important'

'You're always like that. "Nothing", "forget it", 'nevermind"'

'See, you're learning about me already.'

'That's not the point I want to know what you've just said'

'I'll tell you next year, okay? Can I have another chocolate?'

'If you tell me what you've just said.'

' Come on! Please?'

With the light as our guidance, it feels as though we're walking not only from one century into another, but also into a new beginning.

[end]

Review? Please?


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